Take the grant, dodge the punch!
A man flew into London on the 11th of November, 2000, on an Austrian Airlines flight with a one-way ticket in his hand, an acoustic western guitar on his back, and £205 in his pocket. His knowledge of English was…
Volume 4 - Take the grant, dodge the punch!
Read MoreTake the grant, dodge the punch!
The Arrival
Upon arrival at Heathrow, my girlfriend stood waiting for me. I’m struggling to suggest that the welcome felt warm, as it seemed more like a performance—one of those fake smiles that people put on just to get through an awkward…
The Chess Player
I’m not a great chess player, but I’m reasonable, and life has taught me that there is no such thing as checkmate if you’re healthy and alive—there’s always a move. Very few people know this. In fact, I haven’t played…
…. as there is always a move
As I entered Waitrose, I encountered prices beyond my wildest imagination. I took my time walking around, scanning the items up and down. I constantly calculated, added, subtracted, multiplied, and divided, comparing everything to the Austrian Schilling. My brain felt…
The cheap and cheerful sauté pan
I set out early on Tuesday morning and headed to Putney High Street for an inexpensive sauté pan. I entered a small Pakistani corner shop. Even though it was tiny, everything was there and on display, including tools, gadgets, sweets,…
The best salad in the world
Before I entered Nic’s semi-detached house, I already knew no one was there, and no one had visited the property. I had wedged a bit of folded paper by Calco between the door and the frame after I left, and…
You Want F@nny?
A week before I left, I went to the Austrian Jobcentre and told them I was relocating to England for one year and three months. They offered me three months’ worth of benefits while I looked for a job. Upon…
The NI Number
Equipped with the relevant information, the correct address, and the dodgy A to Z, I made my way down south to Balham the following day. The NI number application was a walk in the park compared to the job centre…
The rule of high numbers and the Michelin Man!
In most walks of life, this rule applies: dedication, commitment, and persistence. For instance, if you are unsuccessful with the ladies, you can still get laid regularly. But you must do it the hard way and be dedicated. If you…
The Price Guru
Late in the afternoon, after Nic left, I met my girlfriend, and I told her to ask the host family if there were any possibilities to do some work related to electrics, DIY, babysitting, or whatever so I could make…